I used to be fond of saying, “I am my own worst critic”, which is really another way of saying, “I can’t forgive myself”. I spent more than five or six years attempting to address my chronic illness and disease, through all sorts of allopathic, complementary as well as alternative therapies and modalities. Nothing seemed to work. I had been working with a natural healing arts practitioner for two years following this, and there still had been no real appreciable improvement in my physical condition. I was a bit taken aback when she finally asked me, “Why can’t you forgive yourself?” By that time, I’d read enough self-help books on inside-out healing and the mind-body-soul connection to intellectualize my problem, and how my feelings of self-blame, low self-esteem and lack of self-love, were holding me back on many levels. Yet, I felt powerless to stop myself from feeling them.
Eventually, I learned that no matter how much we may be consciously aware of our inability to forgive ourselves, there are aspects of the subconscious mind and soul that make eliminating these tendencies almost impossible, without undertaking a radically different approach towards changing ourselves. As children, we are exposed to all sorts of circumstances in our lives- observations, experiences and relationships with the people around us and our greater world. In our child-like innocence, and our limited ability to process and intellectualize these with our conscious mind, we may unknowingly internalize ideas and beliefs, without questioning their validity or truth. If for example, we are scolded for our misbehavior by a parent, our subconscious mind can acquire the belief that we are somehow wrong or at fault. Subsequent experiences build on this theme and as we grow older, we may actually begin to believe that, we are in fact, actually to blame and that our actions are unforgiveable. As adults, we continue to receive and accept similar messages, without further challenge or discernment. In this way, over time, we may develop many unfounded and erroneous beliefs about ourselves, our health challenges and even our ability to heal. These may include: a deep and subconscious desire to suffer as a means of doing penance for our previous perceived wrong-doings; the belief that we have done something wrong or deserve all the misfortune that our ill-health has brought us; or the idea that our disease was inherited and there’s nothing we can do about it.
Regardless of whether or not these messages are true or even rational, because the subconscious mind functions like a computer, it makes no decisions on its own, and only provides a response, based on this internal programming and the commands we give it. When we die, the messages are converted from the subconscious mind to the soul’s records where they are further entrenched. Our bodies manifest these messages in return, by translating the messages as energetic “information” signals, which ultimately control our physical chemistry and biological functioning and thus, influence the body’s ability to achieve balance and heal itself. I learned that unfounded, deep seated beliefs at the soul level, and particularly those around self-forgiveness, had played themselves out in my body, and were directly related to my breast cancer as well as the cancerous tumors along my spine. I wasn’t healing because I had a desire to suffer and I didn’t think I deserved to get better.
Despite any conscious desires we may hold in the mind about self-forgiveness, because of the deeply entrenched nature of subconscious mind and soul programming, these will always win over the conscious mind. The only way to ensure our conscious beliefs will produce the results we desire in terms of a healing response, is to make certain that any programs (messages) in the subconscious mind and soul blocking our healing are removed. Fortunately, through some specific approaches involving subconscious mind and soul work as (which I discuss in my soon to be published book), we have the power, and the choice, to restructure these messages. Old programs can be removed and new ones added, thereby releasing the negative intent and energy behind these beliefs. This frees us up and helps provide positive and appropriate messages to our body so that it can respond favorably. My cancer disappeared (without any treatment or physical intervention) after my programs were removed, and I began to genuinely communicate more self-affirming, forgiving and loving messages towards cells and my DNA. Truly, self-forgiveness heals